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Area Student Only Experiences Passing of Time Through Expiration of “Remember Me for 30 Days” on Two-Step Verification

The single thing signaling the inevitable marching-on of time.
CAMBRIDGE, MA — As the overcast weeks of just-below freezing temperatures begin to blur together, area student Joseph Peterson ’20 realized that he only experiences the passing of time through the expiration of Harvard Key Login’s “Remember Me for 30 Days” option for Two-Step Verification.
“I thought last week was shopping week,” Peterson muttered. “But then my TF was talking about how we have a midterm tomorrow? And as I tried to log into Canvas to open the readings for the first time, I got hit with it... the two-step verification. I slowly fell to the floor, hugged my knees to my chest, rocked back and forth and thought Good God... could it have actually been a month?

Peterson isn’t the only victim of the Harvard-induced existential numbness.  “Honestly, I didn’t even know who I was anymore until Harvard asked me to verify my identify to log in,” says Charlotte Whittaker ’21. "Then I sort of had this realization, like whoa, 30 days just passed? It feels like just yesterday I was frantically searching my.harvard for gems for the semester. Before my mental crisis could begin, though, I toggled 'Remember me for 30 Days' and was once again given the sweet kiss of ignorant oblivion."
Others view this critical security measure as a means for celebration. "Only two more expirations of “Remember Me for 30 Days” until summer vacation, baby!!!!!!" John Meyer '20 yelled to no one in particular. 
A dissenting comment came from Alexis Wade '22: "I like to live in the moment. That's why I put my send a push to my Duo Push to my iPhone every time, unlike these lazy bastards."
At press time, Wade was scrolling through Facebook for hours until Canvas logged her out due to inactivity. 
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