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Budget Cuts Lead to Special “Arts Last” Weekend

Tens of visitors flock to the Science Center Plaza to see the Drew Faust Mime Hour.

CAMBRIDGE, MA—In the wake of a dramatic reallocation of university funds, the Office for the Arts at Harvard University has announced that it will be hosting a one-time-only “Arts Last” festival this coming weekend.

“It has come to my attention that, between berries, thrown cake, and mumps quarantining, the university’s discretionary expenses have become too much for it to support traditional artistic activities,” announced OFA Director Jack Megan in a prepared statement. “It is thus with great excitement that I announce the creation of our first and final Arts Last weekend, which will commemorate the death of art at Harvard University.”

Though legendary architect Frank Gehry GSD ’57 has withdrawn from the Harvard Arts Medal ceremony in protest, the OFA has successfully found a replacement, with the honor now going to Hollis resident Terry Kwan ’19, who is “like, really good at Minecraft.” Kwan is just one of many cultural luminaries scheduled to appear over the course of the weekend, as the festival will also feature a concert by that old dude who plays acoustic guitar outside Flat Patties. Former univeristy president Increase Mather will also host a panel about the dangers of dancing.

At press time, Dean Khurana was trying to stall a restless crowd by reading from out loud from 101 Pickle Jokes.

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