CAMBRIDGE, MA—Sources in the FDO have recently confirmed the worrying rumors that Harvard College Dean of Freshmen Thomas A. Dingman ‘67 has now been wearing the same “Sexy SWAT Officer” costume for upwards of 60 hours without displaying any willingness to change into street clothes or to break character.
The costume, which Dingman appears to have purchased anonymously from an “online lingerie and ravewear boutique,” made its first appearance at approximately 3:30 PM this past Friday during the annual event known to its host as “Tommy D’s Six-Hour Spooktacular Pregame and Wet T-Shirt Contest,” though Dingman could later be seen wearing it at Nightmare on Dunster Street, HaLatinoween, the Harvard-Dartmouth football game, Sunday brunch at Henrietta’s Table, and a meeting of the Faculty Standing Committee on Admissions and Financial Aid.
This last appearance of the costume proved to be its most regrettable, marked as it was by the self-proclaimed “Dean of Phresh”’s declaration that Professors Nancy Kleckner (Molecular and Cellular Biology) and Anne C. Shreffler (Music; Germanic Languages and Literatures) were “under arrest for being too sex-ay” and by his frequent, unprovoked attempts to place Dean Lassonde in a headlock.
Despite the clear negative effects of the costume, University President Drew Gilpin Faust has nonetheless reiterated that forcing Dingman to change clothes is “neither warranted nor wise,” as HUPD is attempting to reserve its entire Dingman-wrangling budget for the Harvard-Yale Game.
