At a recent open house, Dean Thomas Dingman put many freshmen's concerns to rest, announcing, "Tommy-D totally knows a guy who can get you some weed." The self-proclaimed Dean of Fresh went on to tell the students that he had "a very intimate, personal, close relationship with a really fresh bro who could totally hook you up."

"He grows it all himself, locally too. In fact, he keeps his plants extremely close to, if not exactly where my house is. All you need to do is ask," said Dingman.

Dingman also told students that they should settle for nothing less than quality marijuana. His man uses nothing but the finest organic farming methods and tender loving care on the plants. "You don't want to smoke miracle grow, dudes. Trust me, it won't be a miracle."

According to Dingman, the guy in question used to have an auxiliary field right on the bank of the Charles River, however, it was destroyed during a brush fire two years ago. Police were also around the area for some time after the fire, preventing any replanting that year. "Stupid Housing Day tradition totally blazed the stock! Why do you think we've cracked down so hard on River Run?" Dingman added bitterly.

Dingman told freshmen that he hoped the field would be replanted in time for his next rager.