and entering

Despair, Sinners: Purgatory Is Actually Room L166 in the IOP

Purgatory, room L166 in the IOP.

When you die, you will wake up in room L166 in the Institute of Politics. You will not be happy. You will not be sad. You will just be in L166. You will not be seated at the table because your section ran late. Sections always run late in the afterlife.

L116 is, in fact, purgatory. You will be trapped there for several hundred centuries before God determines your eternal fate.

You will be surrounded by the souls of the deceased. You will ask the guy to your left, “Hey, how are you? Are you excited that Jim Acosta is coming to speak?” The man will not answer. You will pull out your laptop to pass the time before Jim Acosta arrives. He will never arrive because Jim Acosta is alive and you are not.

God has no plans to ever kill Jim Acosta. His foxy silver hair and sweet, sweet political commentary will remain on your televisions until nuclear war obliterates you all.

You will hear that a more high-profile event is happening simultaneously in the IOP Forum. You will want to hear from Nancy Pelosi more than you want to hear from Jim Acosta. But you will not be permitted to leave L166. People rarely get to leave L166.

You will look at your phone. Your inbox will be full. You will delete some emails. They will reappear.

At some point, a student liaison will enter to remind you that this study group is off the record. You will scratch your head because you thought you were at a Harvard Political Review meeting. All meetings blend into one in purgatory. You are always attending meetings in purgatory.

After much deliberation, God will elect to send you to heaven (one of the brightly colored swivley chairs in the renovated Cabot Library) or hell (the third floor of Sever Hall on a rainy Friday afternoon). He will send most of you to hell, where you will perpetually be on the brink of getting a midterm back. You will miss L166. 

© 2017