CAMBRIDGE, MA – Dazed Quincy House senior Matthew Bradley '18 expressed surprise and disappointment tonight as, for the fourth consecutive time, his driver's license failed to register any stored Crimson cash when swiped it in a vending machine.

 

"That's so weird, am I using the thick bar by mistake?" Bradley muttered to himself as he started directly at a digitally watermarked Ohio flag and the address of his parents' home in suburban Cleveland. "I've heard that it sometimes gets chipped off from too much wear and tear, but I just got this new one last year. It can't have happened that quickly."

  

Reports indicate that Bradley, who has only slept five hours in the past three days, was unable to tell the difference between a photo of himself frowning four years ago and a photo of himself frowning last year. He has had similar difficulties with swiping into the Quincy JCR and doing a load of laundry, but he is believed to have attributed this problem to "holding it at the wrong angle. Like, it needs to cover the entire red light."

 

These issues, however, were soon overshadowed in Bradley's mind by Amazon's inability to recognize his Harvard ID number as a valid credit card security code.