College is a time for exploration, and it comes as no surprise that Harvard students are curious to explore not only intellectual, but sexual interests as well. A recent college survey showed that over 66% of Harvard undergraduates are planning on pursuing “gold man-sacks” at some point in their undergraduate years.

Despite widespread interest, no students are really able to define gold man-sacks. Like management consulting, it is a beast purportedly seen only in the depths of the “lower” Manhattan underground. Ask for Thompson, and the safeword is “futures speculation.”

“Though I work and sweat for gold man-sacks,” began Mack Vanderbilt ’16, “I’d settle for something in assette management.”

Vanderbilt’s opinions reflect the sentiments of many seniors facing graduation, who would “honestly settle on anything firm at this point.”

“I’m not quite sure what ‘liquidity ratio’ means,” said desperate history concentrator Manson Matthews, “but I’ll budget ‘til their gross profit starts cashflowing out the dividend.”

“Nest eggs,” added Matthews.

Gold man-sacks are not to be confused with gold man-slacks, which, as slim fitting trousers, look absolutely fabulous on you.