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Facebook “Primed and Ready” to Hire All Students that Fail GENED1058: Tech Ethics

tech ethics
Employees that failed a course on tech ethics will be legends, chillers, and overall good for morale

MENLO PARK, CA – Facebook is turning to alternative recruitment techniques to keep its ranks filled with talent amidst techlash and ethical controversies.

The company’s global head of recruitment, Miranda Kalinowski, details their new campaign in a Facebook post, which appears to be just a screenshot of a Tweet: “Here at Facebook, we realize that grades don’t matter, which is why we are primed and ready to hire any and all students that fail Tech Ethics.”

The new incentive is rumored to be coming straight from Zuckerberg himself, who famously dropped out of Harvard in 2004 to crew for the pilot episode of Silicon Valley. Tech industry experts hypothesize that the only reason Zuckerberg wants Facebook employees that failed a course on tech ethics is because they’ll be legends, chillers, and overall good for morale.

Esteemed ethicist and Tech Ethics professor Michael Sandel declined for comment, so we trained an AI on all of his books and lecture recordings to make the following comment: “If a self-driving car was about to kill a baby or a grandma, would you clone the baby and kill the real baby, or clone the grandma and kill the grandma, only to realize that the grandma is you and you were the clone all along?”

James Oftman, a senior who has already signed as a software engineer for Facebook, lives in Cabot House room D-23, keeps a key above his door, and asked to remain anonymous, said that he has “concerns about Facebook’s plans for intruding on privacy.” 

We do too, James. We do too.

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