and entering

Fraternity Takes “Girls-Only” Too Far, Accidentally Creates Safe Space for Women

Taking a break from discussing Kate Chopin's "The Awakening"

CAMBRIDGE, MA – After lamenting the lack of girls at Phi Beta Rho parties, pledge master Michael R. Jones '19 created a girls-only policy so strict that he accidentally created a safe space for women.

The new policy took hold after a Phi Beta Rho business meeting last week, at which Jones discussed his grievances. "None of the brothers have gotten laid in so long," he explained. "A minimum 10:1 girl-to-guy ratio would guarantee at least a couple of chicks willing to overlook our casual misogyny and obvious sense of entitlement.”

As the party progressed, the number of women in attendance exponentially increased, and the brothers realized that the women were more interested in socializing with each other instead of with them.

“There’s a limit to how much time I can halfheartedly cheer for Todd as he gets his ass kicked in beer pong,” Stephanie L. Peterson ’20 commented. “But Cara and Alice are doing so well! #womensupportingwomen!”

At peak hour, the party included five pumpkin spice face mask sessions and at least three separate circles discussing the futility of increasing representation for women in computer science without adequate support systems to maintain retention. Fraternity president Brad W. Porter '18 had nothing to contribute to the conversation because he was passed out in the corner after his 12th unprompted keg stand.

Katie T. Clark ’18 exclaimed, “I’ve never come to a frat and found such a male-devoid space for us to discuss issues facing women. I really want to thank Phi Beta Rho for becoming the new face of female empowerment.”

At 1 a.m., a visibly distressed Jones was escorted from the party by a woman citing the new girls-only policy and brandishing an unabridged copy of The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan.

© 2018