SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Hair in Shower Drain a Fascinating Glimpse of Summer Housing's Ancient Inhabitants

After Glick cleaned out the shower drain, he was shocked to discover that several fascinating items had fallen between the toilet and the sink.
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Earlier this week, archaeologists announced the groundbreaking discovery of a clump of hair in the shower drain of Hampden 42, offering fascinating insights into the long-dead civilization that reigned there before Move-Out Day.
 
"This is a really intriguing discovery," explained lead researcher Aaron Glick '18, who began his explorations shortly after moving into Hampden for thesis research. "Between this thick clump in the drain and narrower strands spread around the sink, all in the same dark brown shade, we have reason to believe that the Hampden 42 culture placed a considerable premium on personal grooming."
 
Yet the site's ancient inhabitants, identified by markings on the front door as Shaun and Derek, may have lagged behind similar tribes in other ways.
 
"Based on how warm the fridge is, it's clear that this culture's diet did not include beer or leftovers from the Kong, with the lack of stains on the recycling bin telling a similar story," Glick observed, drawing on his time satisfying EMR in Anthro 1010. "Between these simple culinary tastes and leaving the bunkbeds stacked, it is clear that Hampden 42 was an extremely primitive society that featured little contact with the outside world."
 
Glick confirmed that research would continue into the Hampden 42 civilization, particularly the fascinating ritual significance of moving their wardrobe into the kitchen.
© 2017
Category: