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This Harvard Freshman Wore His Day of Service T-Shirt in Touching Tribute to Harvard PR Department

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If you do an act of service in a forest, and you didn’t make a self-congratulatory t-shirt about it, then it never really happened at all.

by the Editors of the Harvard Gazette

The humble T-shirt: some might consider it a purely utilitarian piece of garb, but this young visionary used a simple Gildan garment to make a bold humanitarian statement. That’s why The Gazette is recognizing First-year student Calvin Kaminski, who wore his “Harvard Day of Service 2023” T-Shirt this Monday in a stunning show of support of Harvard University’s dedication to improving their public image.  

Oh, how the maroon warp and weft of this garment catches the daylight! How the poetic slogan emblazoned upon the back encourages all of us to improve the world, to strive for greatness, to do just enough that we cannot be accused of selfishness! #Harvardserves - have truer words ever been uttered? Indeed, the mind is boggled at the magnanimity of this great organization - to use the vast power it wields in order to do a trivial amount of work and publicize it to the world! One is reminded of Jesus Christ’s beautiful words: “If you do an act of service in a forest, and you didn’t make a self-congratulatory t-shirt about it, then it never really happened at all.”  

“Y’know, I’m just really glad that I like, helped people, you know what I mean? I made a lot of sacrifices by doing this and it was, like, such a good thing for the world. There’s really no better way to help communities in Boston than by bussing in 18-year olds for around two hours of menial work, and then bussing them out, never to return. The 3 hour long barbecue afterwards especially helped me reflect on the meaning of service, sacrifice, and performative activism” explained an overwhelmed Kaminski in our interview, tears of joy running down his youthful face.

Yes, we at The Gazette applaud Kaminski, our bold scholar-hero, for his commitment to veritas, that harrowingly beautiful Harvardian refrain. Veritas: so many times we hear this magnificent word, and fail to truly understand exactly what it means. It was veritas that led Kaminski to adorn his pale body with this bold and honest garment. It was veritas that led Harvard University President Larry Bacow to organize hours upon hours of borderline masturbatory speeches, after students performed relatively minimal work. It was veritas that led my girlfriend to tell me that she doesn’t love me anymore.  Yes, veritas is truly the spirit that makes Harvard University the towering symbol of righteousness and justice that it is today. 


Image: The Harvard Crimson

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