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Harvard "Hotness" Affirmative Action Program Draws Protest

Harvard students gathered outside University Hall yesterday to protest the news that the Harvard College Office of admissions has been using an affirmative action program that favors better looking female applicants.

In a press release last week, Dean of Admissions William Fitzsimmons confirmed that Harvard College had indeed been taking female applicants' attractiveness into account.

"The point of any affirmative action program is to increase the presence of a group that has been lacking on campus, and one such group that we identified was that of attractive females. We stand by our program: we have increased campus diversity, and at the same time have enriched the undergraduate experience. Well, at least for half the students."

At the rally, students carried banners with such slogans as "Brainy is Beautiful" and "Admissions: Need-blind, race-blind, face-blind!" A small but boisterous group of male Harvard students quickly formed a counter-protest.

Meanwhile, since the revelation of the program, an interesting social trend has developed: as opposed to the usual "beautocracy" seen at most colleges, unattractive girls at Harvard now have a feeling of superiority, knowing they got in "on merit." On the other hand, attractive females now feel the need to justify their place at the school.

Megan Short, a busty blonde, is one such student. "Um, like, I think it's really mean to incriminate [sic] against people like me just because we're pretty. I mean, I may have a GED instead of a diploma, but my application had other good things, like the fact that I won "'best smile' for the senior class, and I'm also double-jointed."

The protest drew some angry back-and-forth.  One girl, trying to justify her admission, shouted, "I got in on merit!" to which an angry male protester responded, "Yes, you did."

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