CAMBRIDGE, MA – The Harvard-operated public restrooms in the Smith Campus Center will be relieved of their duties in Spring 2016 after squeezing out over 30 years of service to the Cambridge community, according to Harvard spokesperson Portia Lynne.

“For a long time we were going back and forth, back and forth on this difficult decision,” wrote Lynne in an email, “But eventually everyone was so tense that we decided to take some time to relax before giving the final push this week to plot the last details right into place.”

This announcement has bowled over much of the student population, many of whom are now trying to stall the progress of the changes. “To be honest,” remarked Hugh Jass ’18, “That place was the shit. It was number two only to my dorm bathroom.”

Many consider this move a sign of growing exclusivity on campus and dropping a load of responsibility for commode accommodations in the Square on restaurants like Felipe’s and Daedalus. In a Facebook group protesting these changes, college student Bo Well ’17, writes, “Harvard always runs on about what they do do, but now we must analyze what they don’t do – which is provide a free, inclusive oval offering in the Square.”

However, for some students there is still hope. Harvard College Dean Rakesh Khurana has refused to wipe himself clean of the issues at hand and has offered the possibility of saving the bathrooms, under the circumstances that they agree to go co-ed.

Image Source: The Crimson