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HUDS Fusion Causes Meltdown

Chipotle vegan gefilte fish and haggis cheese steaks on pita bread

CAMBRIDGE -- Despite warnings from MIT physicists, Harvard University Dining Services announced in a press release that they will continue to experiment with fusion research. The announcement was met with wide disapproval and student protests. As MIT senior lecturer Jonathan Goldsheim put it, "You can't combine that many incompatible flavors without something bad happening."

Physicists have been uneasy about the HUDS' fusion reactor since the introduction of curried Thai Jambalaya to the dinner menu in 2008. Matters went from bad to
worse when HUDS announced a policy of "All Fusion All the Time" and replaced the salad station with southern-style kimchi lasagna and stir-fried bok choy quesadillas.

The fusion reactor has a stated mission of combining all the cuisines of the world into one single meal. So far HUDS has only succeeded in forcing six cultures to share a plate with the disastrous result of chipotle vegan gefilte fish and haggis cheese steaks on pita bread. They were only able to churn out ten servings before students were forced to evacuate Lowell Dining Hall to avoid
toxic levels of exposure to culture.

After briefly closing the fusion reactor, HUDS reopened it two months later with improved safety protocols limiting the use of tofu to dishes that have at least some connection to China. Student seem unconvinced that these measures will be enough. "God separated the continents for a reason! These flavors were never supposed to meet!" sobbed junior Maria Chen through a mouthful of fettuccine lo mein when asked about the reactor.

HUDS declined our request for an interview.

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