and entering

I Comped the Harvard A Capella Groups So You Don’t Have To, and It’s Nothing Like “Pitch Perfect”

an a capella group peforms.
Before I knew the sad truth, all I ever wanted was to make drum sounds with my mouth in unison with 9 other complementary dressed friends.

Have you ever wanted to participate in a uber mysterious impromptu a capella competition that takes place at an undisclosed location at the bottom of an empty pool? Or maybe, compete against zany characters in a nationally recognized a capella television show? Do you want your best friend to be Ben Platt? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re out of luck, because Harvard’s a capella groups don’t include any of these things. You are thinking about the movie “Pitch Perfect.” A movie which is fucking awesome.

But if you are actually interested in nervously singing old folk songs for a crowd of people that don’t know you, but are definitely judging you, including Julie Stein, your crush from EC10 (she is also auditioning for the Harvard LowKeys, and is definitely much better than you), or if you want to skip out on that Saturday night party in the Oaktel because you have to learn the bass part to American Pie, but the reference audio they send you sounds like it was recorded on someone’s iPhone 3G inside a plastic bag, then you may be interested in Harvard’s a capella groups. 

Before I knew the sad truth, all I ever wanted was to make drum sounds with my mouth in unison with 9 other complementary dressed friends, like in Glee. But after my eighth a capella audition,  I finally realized I’d never get what I signed up for. Would it really be so hard for these a capella groups to just point out the elephant in the room in their info sessions? Maybe try letting us know that there will never be a “riff-off,” so I don’t keep wandering over to the pool past midnight after every audition? And then, when the MAC security guard asks what I am doing at the pool at 2am, and I say I am planning to compete in a fight to the musical death with only my mouth, I get banned from the pool for life? Thanks a lot, Veritones. Now I can’t swim at the MAC pool.

And maybe let us know that we can’t get recruited into any of your groups by singing in the shower like what happens in Pitch Perfect and Glee, because all I got from singing Madonna in the shower for five consecutive days was a heat rash.

So if you plan to comp any one of the many a capella groups on campus, be warned that it’s definitely not like the best movie of all time, “Pitch Perfect,” and please check back next week when I will enroll in Harvard Law School to see if it’s anything like “Legally Blonde.”

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