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Mental Health Win! CAMHS Releases Haunted Infant Emotional Support Doll to Treat Depression

Second only to the HUHS Cold Kits in popularity.

CAMBRIDGE, MA - Earlier this month Harvard sophomore Alex Mureki decided to take advantage of Harvard’s new counseling and mental health services (CAMHS) by requesting approval for an emotional support animal. Little did Alex know that he would be given the responsibility of an eerily humanoid baby doll that occasionally comes alive at night to whisper tidings into Mureki’s ear.

Harvard Admin and CAMHS liaison, Tracy McHam emphasized that the administration's policy does not allow for support animals of any kind as having ‘anything alive would be too distracting’ to students and faculty. So instead, Mureki was distributed a cutting edge animatronic emotional support infant and rope for dragging the plastic baby around behind him.

Mureki refers to his plastic neonate as “Candice,” claiming that’s what she prefers to go by. It was two weeks ago around 3am was when Mureki first awoke to his nightmarishly human doll giggling and blinking. “I checked with my psychiatrist at CAMHS who gave me Candy and he said that’s normal and to not be alarmed when she first whispers ‘I am your mother’ and ‘your roommate hates you, Alex’,” Alex wearily recounted. “The depression and anxiety have definitely taken a back seat to the issue that my possessed doll is trying to murder me,” he noted.

Often strangers will approach Mureki to ask his baby’s name and age. It only bothers him when they start to ask about where the mother is and why she isn’t lugging their youngster around. “I just can’t believe that it is 2019 and we are still dealing with these gendered stereotypes. Never seen a single dad before?” Mureki sighed as he shook his head in disappointment at societies close minded expectations. "Just one more parenting struggle to talk with my therapist about."

© 2019