and entering

A Near History of the Squirrel's Republic of Harvard Yard

Cautious squirrel, flashbacks of Republic
Take careful note of our folly, tall one. As you say, those who do not learn history, will history repeat.

By: The Squirelissimo

March 15

The tall ones are leaving. Why? They do not usually migrate until the hot times. Until after the weekend where the whole world is covered by chairs and full of annoying parents and they all get pieces of paper that allow them to become consultants. Why now do they leave?

March 20

There are almost no tall ones left. Neither the young ones who misquote Nietzsche nor even the old ones that visit here incessantly with their cameras and insolent spawn. Every once in a while, we see one scurry from a building to Felipe’s and back, devouring a super burrito in order to feel whole for just a few minutes more. But what has made the rest go home?

March 24

Without the tall ones we have found freedom. We can climb and scuttle and scurry to our hearts content. The remaining tall ones do nothing to stop us. They recoil in fear when they hear us scuttle through the brush. We are once again kings of this great land.

April 01

Without the tall ones we have no food. Days ago, the garbage cans ran dry. The last of our winter stores of nuts are running low.

April 05

A young upstart squirrel has formed a posse. He promises them nuts and freedoms in exchange for their undying support. His name is Fang. He has this name because of his extremely small teeth. Even squirrels understand irony.

April 10

Fang has taken control of everything from the sad library with the café to the man whose foot is a urinal. Fang brings the people the nuts they need, but he rules with iron cheeks. Last week, he sent all of the doctor and lawyer squirrels to gulags, or worse, the Union Dorms.

April 17

Fang has eyes everywhere. This is due to a birth defect. But, more maliciously, he also has lots of spies. Some of us are tired of living in this totalitarian state. We form an underground resistance. We are strong in our conviction, but weak in our power.

April 20

Fang only leads by holding power over the nut supply into the yard. I tell the resistance that to destroy Fang is to disrupt the supply. It will cost many squirrel lives, but it is a sacrifice I am… I mean we are… willing to make.

April 22

We stop a shipment of nuts coming into the yard. I do not have much time to write, the Secret Squirrelvice is looking for me.

April 25

The people grow restless. Hunger is far more dangerous than any weapon. Squirrel turns on squirrel over a handful of almonds. But the resistance is strong. We gorge ourselves on the nuts we have taken. Soon, we will begin the coup.

April 27

We storm Fang’s castle: a sticky-floored, chlamydial hut whose walls are adorned with stuffed alligators and photos of C list celebrities. We are confused as to who this is supposed to impress. We lose many squirrels in the fight with Fang’s guards, but soon we take his great hall, tear him from the throne, and end the tyranny. It is over.

© 2020