and entering

Need ONE more girl for IM volleyball tonight or we kill the first hostage!

Intramural volleyball game
Bump, set, spike or I'll drive a spike through your roommate's heart :)

By your IM rep

Hey, house friends! We just need ONE more girl for IM volleyball tonight!! Come join us at the QRAC at 6pm or we will be forced to shoot a hostage!

If we don’t have exactly 7 girls on two separate teams comprised of exactly 3 STEM concentrators and 3 humanities concentrators and 1 dual degree student who are all celebrating birthdays in the next month, we will have no choice but to forfeit :(. Due to this, it is SO important that you come down—to support your House and to ensure that one of your peers doesn’t end up face down in the Charles! Go team!!

As you know, we are SO close to finally winning the Strauss cup! The scores, you ask? Unimportant! We ask you to please NOT GO to Quincy and check the scoreboard in the dhall, or else we will have no choice but to mail you the ear of your favorite classmate (and we’re not telling who). You of course will not find this ear for many weeks because you don’t check your mailbox, but the building manager will know when it starts to smell! All we’re saying is, don’t try it!

I know sometimes it’s tough to make it out, but at 5:55pm we may have to start cutting off fingers from somebody we definitely did not capture from the dhall while they were avoiding the HoCo meeting!! If you’re planning on joining us, we will be shuttling over from Widener at 5:45 pm. If you’re not, look both ways—it’d be a shame if somebody walking to some non-IM activity were to get smashed on the ground underneath the wheel of a mysterious shuttle. If you can’t catch the shuttle, don’t worry, we will subsidize Ubers (smaller than a shuttle but equally as deadly if they hit you at full speed)!!

If you do not want to see one of your classmates’ untimely death broadcasted on the projector in the dhall on community night, show up at the QRAC at 6pm. Do it for the faculty deans and their undeniably lovable pet, who at the first stroke of midnight could easily be snarfing down the entrails of your entryway-mate!! 

Looking forward to seeing you later!!! We’re not fucking around!! 

Much love,

Your IM rep

P.S. Remember! Handball tomorrow at 3pm—we know where your family lives.

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