and entering

Prefrosh Actually Deciding Between Harvard and Colleges That Are Not Harvard

Preston Conway, pictured here, puts on the visible appearance of actually considering his decision in its definite entirety.

CAMBRIDGE, MA - Preston Conway, prospective member of Harvard’s Class of 2019, rocked the Visitas community earlier this morning with the announcement that he was actually, sincerely considering going to seven of the other ten colleges he’d been accepted to.

“Princeton Preview weekend really sold me on Princeton's rigorous academic foundation,” Conway told a stunned crowd of other accepted students at a Regional Reception in the Student Organization Center at Hilles. “But there’s also UPenn’s integrated business/international studies program, which I just really love.”

Sources confirmed that Conway exhibited no visible signs of insincerity or humblebragging, citing his earnest and legitimate reasons for possibly attending UChicago, Stanford, Yale, and Cornell in addition to Harvard this coming fall.

“He wasn’t even interested in the free food, T-shirt, and beer,” Conway’s visibly perturbed Dartmouth host, Paul O’Keefe ‘16, told Satire V in an exclusive interview. “Preston actually took the time to speak in-depth with me and several departmental heads about the unique opportunities and experiences he would get at Darmouth."

At press time, Conway was reported to be eating a slice of broccoli and cheddar quiche in Annenberg with three other prefrosh, commenting that it was “so hard to decide” between Harvard and Yale.


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