SatireV

Breaking

and entering

QUIZ: Is Your Prefrosh Cooler Than You?

guy
Is your prefrosh going to more parties than you are?
It's that time of year again: You're hosting a prefrosh for Visitas, and you're not sure if the thing that they are referencing is a new AP exam or a drug you've never tried. Is your prefrosh cooler than you are? Take this handy quiz to find out!
 
You stalk them beforehand. Their Facebook profile picture...
a) is a blurry picture of a meme and/or car.
c) is a senior yearbook photo.
d) has more likes than yours, loser.
 
When they arrive, they bring:
a) TWO suitcases???
b) A stuffed Chrome backpack :/
c) Nothing. They transcended materialism. They barter for whatever they need on their own with ease.
 
What are their plans for Saturday night?
a) Karaoke-tas, baby!
b) Jolly's. It's gonna be lit, right?
c) Going to the PKS. And no, you can't come. (Why did you even ask?)
 
Are they tryna drink?
a) NO! They could get RESCINDED! Like those memes they read about!
b) Yes, but that won't stop them from asking you what the "moves" are. (And what are "moves" anyway?)
c) They brought their own supplies and are hosting a pregame in your room, if you could please not be there tonight.
 
Have they decided on a college yet?
a) Yes! They accepted Harvard's offer immediately.
b) Unsure. They might prefer a ~Small Liberal Arts College~.
c) They already accepted their spot at Princeton. They are solely here to turn the fuck up.
 
What are their meal plans?
a) Eating every one by your side, of course!
b) They will pretend not to know you when they pass you in Annenberg.
c) They are having dinner at the co-op. (How do they even know what that is???)
 
You enter your dorm and accidentally walk in on them:
a) Calling their mom to pick them up.
b) Talking shit about you with your roommate. (Seriously, Alex?)
c) Hooking up...with YOUR boyfriend?!?
 
They often ask you questions that start with the phrase:
a) "College Confidential said that..."
b) "I saw a post on Harvard Memes for 1% Elitist Teens about..."
c) They don't have questions. They know all. They just showed you how to get to your section that was moved to fucking Northwest Labs. You didn't even have to ask.
 
Are they wearing their red lanyard?
a) Of course! It's handy, and it has their ID and everything!
b) Nah, it's kinda lame.
c) They burned it in one of those fire pits outside the Science Center with someone named Jessica who sounds like a bad influence.
 
Mostly As: Phew! No need to worry, your prefrosh is a scared little weirdo like you once were and will certainly look up to and be absolutely terrified of you.
 
Mostly Bs: Your prefrosh is moderately cool, but nothing to really worry about. Maybe give them an intimidating stare or passive aggressive comment every once in a while just to remind them who's in charge.
 
Mostly Cs: You are fucked. RUN. Your prefrosh is incredibly cool and wields the power to DESTROY you if given the chance. Either try to impress them now or prepare to have your self-esteem and social standing ruined when they roll onto campus next year as the king of Holworthy East.
 
Image credit: The Brunette Diaries
© 2018
Category: