and entering

Report: 85% of Classroom to Table Funding Sunk into Single Giant Scone at Tatte

lemon scones
So many giant scones, so little time!

It was reported today that the Classroom to Table program, which recently ran through its budget for a third consecutive year, spent over 85% of its funding on a single giant lemon scone from the Tatte on Massachusetts Avenue. 

“The Classroom to Table program has been an incredible success,” touted Dean of Undergraduate Education Amanda Claybaugh. “The scone was not only much larger than a normal scone, but also was large enough to feed our senior staff for several weeks. We were initially skeptical that such a scone would be worth the investment, but, oh, that lemon glaze. That crumbly, buttery texture. That sheer size. It is a rapturous melody of flavor devoutly to be worshipped.”

Of the $30 allocated per attendee per meal, over $25 contributed to the purchase, transport, and display of the scone in an airtight container which now occupies the entire ground floor of University Hall, barricading most entrances and exits. Six months and countless dollars of research money were additionally spent in deciding between a lemon and raspberry glaze.

Program director Kara-Sue Sweeney also expressed her enthusiasm. “Given the program’s popularity, we expect a bump in funding for the spring semester. We want to facilitate student-faculty interaction as best we can, and thereby hope to secure a second scone in addition to a giant lemon one. Can you imagine? Two scones? In one semester? Never did we expect the program would be such a paragon of success.”

At press time, CAMHS announced that it too would spend 85% of its budget on a giant lemon scone in ongoing support of student mental health.

© 2018