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Report: All Your Snapchat Friends Are at Exact Same Beach, Sharing Exact Same Piña Colada

There is, somehow, only one beach in the entire world, and all of your friends are at it.
THE DARK JEALOUSY SPIRAL OF SOCIAL MEDIA—Reports surfaced on Friday that all of your Snapchat friends are at the exact same beach sharing the exact same piña colada right now.
Even though Jamie told you that she was going to Paris for spring break, and Kevin said that he was heading to Hong Kong, and Bethany said that she was en route to New Orleans, somehow all of them—in addition to literally everybody else that you know—ended up at the same beach using the same geofilter.
It was not immediately clear what beach all of your friends—let's face it, acquaintances—are vacationing at, but it is assuredly way nicer than whatever relative's couch you are sitting on at the moment.
The reports noted that every single human whose Snapchat story you have ever viewed is sharing one massive piña colada that has one of those cute little straw umbrellas sticking out of it. There are apparently enough straws to go around—go figure.
At press time, 54 of your Snapchat friends were snapping you pictures of their legs in front of the ocean and imploring you to guess whether they are hot dogs. They are not. They are legs.
Image credit: The Post Athens
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