and entering

Report: Freshman Entrywaymates Still Intolerable

Back where it all began.
ANNENBERG HALL—Peter R. Simmons '18 had a full-circle moment at the Senior Brunch on Sunday when he realized that he still cannot stand his freshman entrywaymates. 
Simmons—who wore his nicest pair of khakis to the Senior Brunch, where he met up with the group of similar-looking jocks that the Freshman Dean's Office erroneously thought he would jive with—reflected on the passage of time as he found that he still has absolutely nothing to say to any of the people he lived with for a year.
After the near-silent brunch, Simmons reported, “Yeah, Alice from next door is still an alcoholic, Timmy from the bunk bed above mine is still a raging narcissist, and Ed from down the hall is still a pathological liar. Even Sarah from the room upstairs still has no understanding of personal space.”
He paused before adding, “Memories!”
As the group posed for photos outside the old entryway, the seniors reminisced about the good old days, like how Simmons never went to any of the study breaks, and how Simmons never knew there was a group chat, and how Simmons did not block with any of them.
Alice T. Williams '18 then informed her Instagram followers that they were #squadgoals and had #nonewfriends and that #seniorspringsprangsprung was in full force.
At press time, the group chat was lighting up with texts that said “Wigg E forever!!!!!!!!!,” but Simmons did not know that since Simmons is still not in the group chat. 
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© 2018