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Resume Absolutely Cannot Fit Onto Less Than Four Pages, Freshman Informs Adviser

Miller insists to her adviser that it is certainly possible to have two internships in two different cities at the same time.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Erin H. Miller ’20, a freshman in Thayer, informed her adviser on Monday that she absolutely cannot—under any circumstances—fit her resume onto fewer than four pages.

The showdown occurred when Melissa P. Williams, a lecturer in Economics, suggested that Miller condense her resume to one page as she applies for summer internships.

Miller furrowed her brow. “One page?” she replied, her mouth agape, her temperature rising. “ONE PAGE? How can I possibly sum up everything I have accomplished in ONE PAGE? Do I look like a ONE-PAGER to you? Have I holed myself up in my bedroom for eight years to build a ONE-PAGE resume? Did I skip prom just to settle for ONE PAGE? Did I lead the track team to three state titles all for the sake of ONE PAGE? Did I fund an entire orphanage in rural Estonia to fill ONE PAGE?”

“Well, uh, for starters, have you considered using bullet points?” Williams responded.

Miller’s cheeks grew hot. “BULLET POINTS?” she shrieked. “Can you sum up the enormity of winning the National History Bee in BULLET POINTS? Can you convey the impact that I had on the Siamese cats at the local shelter for abused felines in BULLET POINTS? Can you explain the audience’s reaction to my starring turn as Winnifred in Once Upon a Mattress in BULLET POINTS?”

Miller’s current resume—which is six pages long in eleven-point Times New Roman font—includes sections for academics, awards, community service, additional community service, athletics, dramatic performances, paid employment, unpaid employment, somewhat paid employment, science fair experience, leadership roles, writing pursuits, language study, and miscellaneous.

As she stormed out of Williams’ office, Miller could be heard screaming, “The number 2400 takes up an entire page by itself!”

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