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Sectarian Violence Erupts After Freshmen Divided Along Arbitrary Lines

Where the current borders are drawn, after a successful raid by the River Coalition last night.

Cambridge, MA--Harvard College has been rocked by sectarian violence in the aftermath of Housing Day, a holy day for many who attend the college. Taking effect next year, a Freshman Dean's Office-Ad Board joint treaty will divide members of the freshman class into more "sustainable" boundaries, letting close ethnic blocking groups share portions of lands surrounding the Yard--the College's shared central region. Some groups feel, however, that they were given less valuable lands for no apparent reason. 

"How could they put us in the Winthrop highlands? The place is a war-zone," said freshman Samuel Lam. "At least, it looks like a few bombs already went off there."

Freshmen assigned to live in the Quadrangle sector have been especially vehement in their complaints, citing its distance from the Yard--a holy site and home to their people for many, many days.

The violence started after members of the Mather community began throwing rocks at Dunsterites, who had annexed the demilitarized zone between the two houses. With Dunster looking like a shell of its former self, Mather appears to be winning the conflict. The violence quickly spread across the region, where armed conflict has become far too common. Members of the Ad Board fear this eruption could spill over into the other colleges, the most volatile being the Divinity and Dental schools.  

The colonial powers, which ran the region from 1636-1776, are widely regarded as the basis for the conflict, drawing borders that divided linking groups in half and enclosed warring groups within the same boundaries. “I don’t understand why we share a kitchen with those Kirkland cow thieves” said Minos Zombanakis of the Eliot ethnic group. Skirmishes between Eliot and Kirkland militants have left dozens of crew and lacrosse members wounded, and dozens of legacies displaced.

Harvard college is approximately 75% Riverhouse and 25% quadlings, two groups that have been in constant conflict with each other since 1999. The Pfohorzheimer-Adams conflict has been going since Pfoho’s founding. Due in part to conflict over ownership of the Adam’s Dining Hall, revered as a holy city for both parties, many members of both Houses do not feel safe.  “We live under constant threat of gong strikes,” said Pfoho resident Annie Schugart. “We only wish to have access to the tray dispenser that is rightfully ours, that our ancestors used.”

“This level of violence is unprecedented, yet the end is in sight,” said Freshman Grand-War-Chief Thomas Dingman. “Normally this civil strife usually peters out when we have a common enemy, during the annual Harvard-Yale conflict."

© 2015