SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Seniors Select Class Marshalls, Location #1374 in Plano, TX

After running an aggressive campaign, the Marshalls from Plano, TX was voted first Marshalls.

CAMBRIDGE, MA — After two rounds of voting, the class of 2018 has officially selected their class Marshalls, the Harvard Alumni Association announced on Wednesday.

Thirty-six branches of the affordable, middle class department store jockeyed for collective ownership by Harvard’s senior class this year. Winners were selected based on criteria such as general popularity, commitment to the Harvard community, and density of middle school students in need of affordable ballet flats for their recital in the surrounding area. 

Caitlyn Nicholson, manager of the Plano Marshalls, said she was excited to find out the store had won the First Marshalls position and looks forward to ensuring seniors have a thrifty, wholesome final year.

“Here at Marshalls, we want your senior year to be about having a great time together, reflecting on good times you shared with friends, and finding Banana Republic shorts for 70% off in the clearance section,” said Caitlyn Nicholson, the store's manager and three-time employee of the month. 

At press time, Marshal Chen ’18, who was did not think he was running for anything, expressed bewilderment at being selected Second Marshal.

 

 

© 2017
Category: