and entering

Students Totally In Favor Of The Surge

Dismayed by reports questioning the drink's effectiveness, several students
have expressed their complete support for 'The Surge."

Unlike other energy drinks, The Surge packs just the right amount of caffeine and other extreme ingredients in an easy-to-hold can. Each can of The Surge comes with eighty milligrams of caffeine - enough to stun a small horse.

"I'll admit that when I first heard about The Surge, I was skeptical," says Peter Brownson, an undergrad supporting The Surge. "But I authorized
my roommate to buy a couple cans, and we knocked a few back, and we played Wii for, like, ten days. The Surge is definitely working."

According to recent medical reports,
researchers have found that The Surge does not have the sleep-reducing effect
that its advocates claim. "We have no reason to believe that The Surge works," said one researcher. "We ask students to consider other options before they choose The Surge, and that The Surge only be taken as a last measure."

Despite the mounting evidence, students remain steadfastly in support
of The Surge. Moreover, these students contend that their bodies are working with The Surge, not against it, and that there are no long-term repercussions.

Some students have even raised questions about researchers'
motives, suggesting
that researchers harbor an anti-student

"If researchers
cared so much for students,
why do they suggest that The Surge only has a placebo effect? Once we know The Surge has a placebo effect, then The Surge no longer works. We have to tell ourselves that The Surge is working, no matter
what," said Brownson.

Brownson then covered his ears, saying "la la la," as he was asked about the details of the research

"Everyone knows the truth is biased," explained Brownson.
"It's our job to decide what we want to believe, and right now I want to believe that The Surge is working. If only everyone could keep their dissenting
opinions to themselves."

© 2008