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Trailblazers: These Attractive Rich Women are First to Join Attractive Rich Men's Clubs

Five nicely dressed women
Take a look at these modern-day suffragettes, sailing past the bouncer on behalf of us all.

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Harvard’s administration delivered the ultimate diversity win when they announced their decision to continue sanctions on single-gender social organizations. Now, all-male final clubs must open their doors to America’s most marginalized group: affluent women who went to Spence.

Wow. Talk about the next Brown v. Board of Education.

Blazing the gender-inclusive trail is the Spee Club, the Susan B. Anthony of single-gender organizations. Rumor is that the “B” in Anthony stands for “Bourgeois Women Are Good.” Their next party is supposedly “naked suffragette" themed — watch out for an invite over the summer on their GoFundMe page!

Let’s commend the brave women punching next fall, who will sacrifice their lives attending black tie holiday parties, eating lavish dinners, and drinking expensive booze inside Mount Auburn Street's best real estate. It's not fair for women to have to carry the weight of large final club medals hanging on their necks, but these champs will do it anyway. The Little Rock Nine has nothing on these powerful ladies!

Equipped with all-black ensembles, resting bitch face, and casual references to “the city,” these radical women will change Harvard's bad, bad final clubs for good. It's only a matter of time before these Civil Rights Heroes cancel out the stench of sexism with the potent scent of Old Money. Ladies, it's time to get into formation ... to go to the summer beach house in Nantucket!

So get ready to buckle your seatbelts ladies and gentlemen, because Harvard’s speeding down the one-way road to change. Progress is coming faster than you can say, “But wait, is this policy even a meaningful solution to cultural elitism?”


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