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UC Gets Weekend Morning Quad Shuttles, Fails To End Ethnic Violence in Iraq

The new weekend shuttles (above) help students get where they need to go; cannot rebuild a shattered nation.

This morning Undergraduate Council President Tara Raghuveer congratulated the student representatives of the UC for “winning back weekend shuttles for all students,” though she conspicuously did not mention the UC’s failure to stop the near constant bloodshed in Iraq.

“This is what happens when you demand relevance!” shouted Raghuveer joyously, as the Shia and Sunnis of Fallujah looked upon each other as deadly insurgents instead of countrymen.

Students across campus have expressed support for the new shuttle schedule.  By and large, they do not seem disappointed with how the UC has handled the increasingly violent post-Saddam Iraq.

Sophomore Stephanie Chu added: “I like it because I can get to the yard in time for Veritones rehearsal.”

At press time, UC Vice-President Jen Zhu was still unsure how US-led humanitarian efforts in Baghdad should proceed.

© 2013