and entering

Visitas Hosts Practice Lying in Mirror

"Oh yeah, I love UHS. Quality AND convenience!"

Cambridge, MA—Citing encouragement from the college at large, many hosts of the newly admitted class of 2021 have started preparations for the baldfaced lying they will do during the course of the weekend. “Every year on campus we try to look for the most competent and welcoming hosts for our new students,” said Director of Visitas Tim Smith, ’08 in an interview, “and one of the most essential skills a Visitas host can have is to be able to shamelessly lie about student life at Harvard”.

Many students hosts, with the blessing of the administration, have started to brush up on their ability to lie convincingly to potential students. “For around 30 minutes a day,” said Michelle Yi, ’17, “I usually stand in front of my full length mirror and say ‘it’s really easy to find a work-life balance’ until I think it looks natural.” 

Other hosts have tried to integrate lying in their day-to-day lives to make sure that they’re ready on Visitas weekend. “Today somebody asked me how I was doing, and I said ‘great’” reported Jack Hornby, ’20, “even though every night I dream that I’ve seen the face of God and it was weeping."

"I can’t wait to pretend I’m happy for a high school senior who has no idea what they’re getting into,” he added. 

Still others have found that they are a natural fit for the role of host. “As a Social Studies concentrator,” said Sarah Willis, ’19, “I’m pretty used to talking out of my ass about nearly everything, doing the same about studying at Harvard shouldn’t be any different. I mean, I was a host last year too. I haven’t lied that hard since I told my roommate I liked her startup idea!”

At press time, the Visitas hosts all agreed that they “love it here”.

© 2017