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I’m an Ally and That’s Why I’m Having My Bachelorette Party Loudly at This Gay Bar

We should start coming here every weekend!

by Tanya

LGBTQ activism has always been an issue close to my heart. Though I am heterosexual, I am a proud and outspoken ally. And that is why me and my twelve loudest friends have chosen to have my bachelorette party at this crowded gay bar during pride weekend.

When I see people making out with others of the same gender on the dance floor, I see no problem, only a meaningful expression of love. I am comfortable enough in queer spaces to interrupt them and say, “Oh my gosh, you guys are like so cute. I’m Tanya. Did you know I’m getting married tomorrow?” I want them to know that they can keep kissing around me — I’m cool with it!

It is extremely important that queer people have their own spaces so they can celebrate their queerness with like-minded people. That is why my girlfriends and I scream “We just love gays!” at any group in earshot. We find gay bars so liberating. I mean, a club where the dudes are hot but won’t hit on us? It’s a dream come true! It’s like this bar was meant for me and my friends. Like, specifically designed for us.

Maybe I’ll hit on a queer woman. Who knows? Sexuality is just so fluid nowadays, and if I hit on a girl, it won’t mean anything. I’m just being silly.

I want to be friends with this bar’s patrons, so I also make sure they get a good look at my “Same Penis Forever” T-shirt, because it’s hilarious and gays are all so funny. I’m sure they would totes appreciate seeing it during their night out. I also ask them if they know Eric, Christina’s gay cousin, because I want to help build a sense of community. And everyone knows Gay Eric, he’s like so hot he just has to be gaymous.

Because I am an ally, whenever I walk into a gay club, I don’t give dirty stares. Instead, I go to the nearest man and ask him what he thinks of my shoes, because gays all know fashion and I look smokin’ in these stilettos. Whenever “I Will Survive” starts playing, I sing at the top of my lungs in drunken unison with Caitlyn and Steph for all in the club to hear. We want to make our allyship known at deafening volumes.

I will continue to support the LGBTQ community on any issue I can. Except on that blood donation ban thing. I just really don’t want AIDS.

© 2019