and entering

I Am Not a Horse Girl, I Am a Centaur

Clip clop!

My name is Jessica and I am just like you. I wear clothes, I live in a house, but I am also a centaur. Yes I am eight feet tall, yes I have a tail, and yes I am banned from Sweetgreen. However, don’t be mistaken, I am NOT a horse girl and I don’t associate with them. 

You know those girls in high school who run around making horse sounds? They’re the horse girls. When they run around making horse sounds and eating apples, it’s “quirky and funny.” But, when I do it, it is “gross and animalistic.” Again, I am a centaur, I have no control over my horse sounds and endless desire for apples. While the horse girls pin tails to the back of their pants and take them off as they choose, we wear our tails PERMANENTLY. While they draw pictures of horses, we ARE the horses. 

Sorry I got a little sidetracked there, I just really want to end the stigma that horse girls and centaurs are the same thing. Every day when I clip clop into class, there’s always another boy who’s saying “take off the costume Jessica!” And I always respond by giving them a kick with my hind legs. Five times I have given people concussions this way and I am not afraid to increase that number. 

To reiterate, I am not a horse girl. I am just a (part) horse who likes to munch on sugar cubes, neigh and whinny, and gallop into the sunset. I did not choose this lifestyle, it chose me. To all those neigh-sayers out there who think I am just a girl in a costume, would a horse girl be able to gallop at speeds above 50 miles per hour? I don’t think so. Would a horse girl shit in the middle of a street? I certainly hope not. Would a horse girl be banned from a Sweetgreen for giving three consecutive people concussions? Well actually that sounds plausible. 

You know what? Maybe the horse girls and the centaurs aren’t so different after all. At least horse girls are a step up from car boys. I don’t even want to think about the boy car hybrids out there. All that considered though, stay in your fucking lane horse girls.

© 2020