"
Okay Billy, I know you're not happy
with me, I know. You see me, with your mom, and you're thinking ""Is this guy
taking her for a ride, how dare he!"" But rest assured here, I'll tell you
straight up: I didn't fuck your mom, I just took her out on a date. When you
saw us talking and laughing during dinner, I was not, even once, thinking about
ramming my meat hammer into her innermost depths. When we were making out after
seeing the English Patient, I had every intention of stopping my advances right
there.
Now I know we've known each other
since, what? The 3rd grade? I know you don't think it is appropriate
for a man of my age to date someone twenty years his elder. But rest assured,
Billy, that I am not bothered by your mother in the slightest. I know you worry
if she can keep up with a younger man, but believe you me when I say she is not
boring me in the slightest. You may not know this, but your mother remains,
even after all these years, marvelously toned and extremely adventurous. She
really knows how to excite a man, In a perfectly chaste way, of
course.
So really, just relax. I want you
to feel like everything is alright, just like how your mom feels when I put my
strong arms around her shoulder and make a light joke at your father's expense.
Because at the end of the day, your mom is in firm, respectable, and very manly
hands. You should be grateful. I don't treat your sister nearly as
well.
"
