and entering

I Just Want My Old Life Back

The Harvard Turkey contemplates life in the limelight.

To My Fans,

Thank you for your admiration and support over the past couple of months. I don’t know what I did to deserve such attention and fame, but regardless I thank you all for the love you have shown me on Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat. Whatever those are.

I thought that fame would bring me happiness. All my life I’ve just been your average turkey. I've roamed the streets of Cambridge, tail feathers between my legs as I tried to gobble up as many pieces of dropped Panera mac & cheese off the gobblestones as I could. And then, all of sudden, I took flight! I was a star! The pictures, the waves, the excited cries of drunk Harvard students as they saw me in the wee hours of the morning. It was a miracle. It was a blessing.

But a life of fame is not all gravy. The paparazzi has carved my family apart. I can’t go anywhere without being photographed. And it’s not just me. My daughter, Trina Turkey, can’t even go out with her friends without being recognized. My wife is fed up. She’s stuffing her belongings in a bag to go stay with her mother as I write.

I plead with you, students and tourists of Harvard alike: let my family be. I want my old life back. It wasn’t always as easy as pie, but it was enough, and I miss it.

Thank you, with all my love,

The Harvard Turkey

© 2015