and entering

Krokodil: Good Product at a Fair Price

Above: A customer samples the more delicate "Meat Tenderizer" offering.

At first, when I decided to review the new krokodil drug, I wasn’t expecting anything particularly special.  I had heard that it was merely a cheaper version of heroin, and, as a heroin fan myself, I found it hard to be appealed by the prospects of a backyard substitute. 

But when I finally arrived at the local street corner where the “zombie drug” was being sold, I was pleasantly surprised.  The customer service was polite and professional, with “Jerry”, my server, providing conscientious and well-informed recommendations about the varieties of the new drug for me to try.  The décor of the street corner was very urban-chic, and the volume level was confined to a nice dull murmur.

I decided on to order a few grams of “Leg Dissolver”, the specialty of the house.  While I waited, I was treated to a toke of artisanal salvia—not the best I’ve ever had, but decent, considering it came free of charge.  Clearly the owner of the establishment takes pride in his work, and I respect that.

I had to then wait for a fairly long time before my krokodil came out.  This initially annoyed me, but then I was informed that the wait is all part of the experience, and that I’m supposed to “absorb the time”.  Also, as it turns out, they were in the process of cooking the gasoline, desomorphine, bathroom cleaner, and hydrochloric acid together to give me a fresh batch.  This did not help.  I was getting impatient for my krokodil!

Finally, I received my syringe, which was well-balanced and unused (nice touch).  “Leg Dissolver” had an exotic, spicy bouquet, which soon changed into a softly sweet aftertaste.  Also, I had some pretty frightening hallucinations, two of which—a blood-soaked old woman and a floating head—are still following me now.  I’d call that effective.

Also, I even began to shed those couple of extra pounds that I had resolved to get rid of.  That’s because chunks started falling of my leg.

At the end of it, the high was simply not as pure or as enjoyable as what I’ve come to expect from my opiates.  Moral of the story: you get what you pay for.  But, if you’re on a budget and you’re looking for a cheap alternative for a Friday night, I’d recommend krokodil pretty heartily.  I would give two thumbs up, but my thumbs fell off.

© 2013