and entering

LEAKED: Draft of “My Recent Representation”

Dean Sullivan
Speaking at a diploma ceremony for Winthrop House in 2010, probably about due process

Dear Eliot hey Stephanie what’s the name of this place again Winthrop Throp Students,

It has come to my attention that a few of you have questions and a few others have concerns in regard to my most recent representation of Harvey Weinstein. However, I see no conflict of interest between my responsibility to foster a safe and inclusive environment for my undergraduate students, and my efforts to become the next Alan Dershowitz. In fact, my basic senses of perception only function when I’m operating on retainer. Everything quite literally looks like a huge gray area to me unless I’m being paid $800 an hour.

I shall open up office hours at 8 p.m. in the Faculty Deans’ office on Monday and Tuesday for anyone or any group who wishes to chat. I will take this opportunity to distribute pieces of paper with nothing but the words “DUE PROCESS” written on them in a large font. Just kidding! I'm actually not going to be at the meeting due to a scheduling conflict with a client, but my TED talk will be playing in the background on infinite loop. 

I will also take this opportunity to remind you all of the various mental health and sexual harassment resources which are conveniently available to you and are basically doing my job for me. These include your tutors, Allston Burr Resident Dean Linda Chavers, and WOW (Women of Winthrop).

We have worked up some suggestions and actions that we will be taking to move us forward so that all at Winthrop, particularly the members of the men’s soccer team, feel that this is a safe place and a happy and warm home. I am not sorry that I am representing Harvey Weinstein, but I am sorry that you feel upset, and most of all, I feel pretty sorry for myself, because I came up with some pretty good study break ideas last year and can’t believe that’s not enough for you.

As you know, I love the community at Winthrop, because I never have to pay rent, or attention to the impact of my actions since there are no structures in place to hold me accountable. I do hope that anyone with questions and/or concerns will come by. Note also that this matter will not be tried during the Spring term, so you won’t hear much, if anything, about the matter over the next few months. The second interhouse transfer deadline is in May.



Image credit: The Harvard Crimson

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