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Point/Counterpoint: Kim Jong-un is Best Leader vs. Kim Jong-un is Greatest Leader

Kim Jong-un, seen here riding majestic stallion that he is as hung as. All glory to Supreme Cowboy of the Proletariat!

Point: Kim Jong-un is Best Leader on Earth by Kim Jong-un

Kim Jong-un is best leader on earth and only leader capable of defeating decadent Western pigs. He is a tremendous basketball star, well-known for scoring 60 points in his final game for the Los Angeles Lakers. He has likewise many lady admirers such as Kendall Jenner, with whom he would do the intercourse very often, were it not that she is a capitalist whore hell-bent on undermining the morals of Best Korea. 

Contrary to rumors planted by scurrilous American propaganda film, he is also most certainly not dead at the hands of James Franco and Bearded Jonah Hill and instead vanquished them as he will shortly vanquish all counterrevolutionary evildoers. None of the Hollywood cretins shall be spared except for most excellent comrade Adam Sandler, who Kim Jong-un thought was an absolute revelation in Grown-Ups 2.

As ruler with even more swag than Robert Mugabe or Muammar Qaddafi, Kim Jong-un is mighty hero who will destroy all capitalists and liberate the world. Thank Kim Jong-un for Kim Jong-un!


Counterpoint: Kim Jong-un is Greatest Leader on Earth by Kim Jong-un

Kim Jong-un is the greatest leader on earth and is overwhelmingly beloved by all workers who are not brainwashed by the reactionary swine. His people, who have enough food to eat due to his gifted economic planning, think he is even cooler than au courant piano wizard Barry Manilow, who wishes he could be hardcore partier like the glorious Marshal of the Republic.

Kim Jong-un has many powerful nuclear warheads that certainly do not represent his desire for an adequately-sized phallus, which is a top-notch fornication device made to precise requirements of proletarian honeys. With warheads, he will eradicate the weak Americans, who are jealous of his playboy lifestyle and ability to feed his people who are definitely not starving.

No leader will ever match Kim Jong-un, who will defeat all capitalists and who knows how Game of Thrones will end due to his most glorious clairvoyant power. Thank Kim Jong-un for Kim Jong-un!


Kim Jong-un is the Chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea, First Chairman of the National Defense Commission, Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army, Chairman of the Central Military Commission of the Workers' Party of Korea, and Deputy to the Supreme People's Assembly. All views expressed within this column are entirely his own.

© 2016