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Pumpkin Spice Lattes: Basic or Delicious?

Image credit:
Charlotte Rohatiner, Cabot '16, models fall's best look

 Pumpkin Lattes are Basic as Fuck:

I CAN NOT handle these basic bitches. Starbucks releases pumpkin spice lattes early this year and now suburban bitches are in a frenzy like vineyardvines just had a sale on boat shoes. It’s not even October yet and #fall #pumpkinspicelatte is filling up instagram. Have you hasty hos even heard of the fall equinox? SMH. No, it is not valid to be late to AFM10 because you were picking up your first fall drink of the year. You better step down because I know what that shit tastes like. It doesn’t even taste like pumpkin, it tastes like acorn squash or something. There is no fucking pumpkin in that drink, it’s the same as all the other syrups Starbucks uses to cover the taste of their shitty bitter coffee. You are only buying this dumb drink that tastes like squash because some marketing department realized how much suburban girls love Autumn, which is a word no one uses anymore, except for (you guessed it) suburban girls in yoga pants.  Also, lattes cannot “go” with a scarf. That’s just fucking stupid. You drink your $10 basic beverage and now where's your outfit, you tacky-ass bitch? #tackyassthot Newsflash: any beverage being ordered iced doesn’t get to be a “fall food.” Next time why don’t you buy a real drink like apple cider. It will cost you a dollar less and actually has apples in it. #Ican’t. 
Pumpkin Lattes are a Nectar of the Gods:
Pumpkin lattes are literally the best drink ever and I’m so glad they are here early this year #PSLforlyfe! In an environment where my peers are constantly attacking my privilege, pumpkin spice lattes act as little affirmations to my suburban heritage. It’s even better than the Halloween eggnog they had a few years ago. Some people say they don’t like PSL, but like who even are these sadists #haterz? Who in their right mind dislikes pumpkin? #pumpkin equals #delicious equals #bestmorningever!! Think about it, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin frappe, pumpkin mousse, roast pumpkin soup – it’s all good. Pumpkin as a descriptor means one thing: whatever you are about to consume is going to be fucking amazing. An iced pumpkin latte to #fighttheheat on the way to class is awesome instead of having to wait for the biting cold of winter to enjoy the nectar of fall. One can only drink so many iced caramel macchiato’s over the summer, am I right? I wish pumpkin lattes were served all year round because they are essence of pure autumnal joy liquefied for your tasting pleasure. #AMAZYING
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