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Studying for Finals - An Editorial by Your Religious Frat Brother

Have you ever noticed they don't list an author?

Hey bros, Pete here. I know it's exam season here at Ridgemont College,
which means you're looking for study aids. No prob man, I got you covered.
It's called The King James Bible.

I know what you're thinking. "How does a 1611 translation of the Christian Bible help with Stat 101?" Look, I know that multiple choice section will toy with your mind like six straight hours of BioShock, point taken. But in all fairness you've got to focus on some bigger shit than the multi-choice.

I'm talking about life, man, and how you're going to live it. We can argue all day about whether we want stripper poles at the mixer with the Theta girls, or just regular poles. We can do that. But Theta girls are going to die some day, just like you are, and so we've got to make the most of whatever's between
now and then.

That's where the King James Bible comes in.

The King James Bible has all the answers to the good life. If you ever wondered about coveting
a neighbor's ass - and who wouldn't if we lived next door to Jenny Hofstrach '09? - the answers are all here. Ever think about snitching on your friend Sergio from Ecuador? Read this passage
about Judas and come to your own conclusions. The truth is all here guys. And it is embossed in gold binding.

I'm not asking you to convert. That's another battle for another day. I'm not even saying that being Jewish and just reading the Torah is uncool or whatever. It isn't. But we need to understand that Judaism is, to draw an analogy, Religion 1.0. Roughly speaking
you're two millennia old. There's a new expansion pack in town, it's called "Jesus", and it comes packed into the King James Bible. You best get on that.

So, yeah, let's kick back and soak in some UV-type-religion rays from God. Let's really get into this King James Bible thing and make our exam season the best exam season ever.

© 2008