Look, here are some pears. I picked them up at the grocery store yesterday, and...and...hold on. What's the matter?

 

What, are these not autumnal enough for you?

 

Oh, I see. They're just pears, right? I'll have you know that Bosc and Comice pears are in season from fall through winter, so that sounds pretty goddamn autumnal to me.

 

Yeah, I could have gotten some pumpkins. Maybe even some fresh-picked apples. But I bought the damn pears and I'm sticking with them on principle.

 

I'm sorry they don't meet your high harvest-season standards. Maybe I'll tell that to the poor farmer who grew these pears with love, tenderness, and a little bit of extra effort, to bring them to our fruit bowl. In our kitchen. For us to eat, whenever we want. 

 

God. I can't believe this. I'm sorry it's not pumpkin-spice, okay? Not everything can be decorative and edible, alright? But Bosc pears get the goddamn job done. 

 

I will not have any more of this nonsense. You're gonna eat these pears if it's the last thing you do, and you're gonna like it.

 

Oh, and I picked up some Brussels sprouts too...what? Oh, COME ON!