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Apple Patches Drunk Siri Glitch

“Why doo you want 2 talk 2 dat bitch?”

After months of user complaints, Apple has finally released software to fix iPhone Error 02PBR20—also known as the Drunk Siri Glitch.

As early as September, iPhone users began noticing symptoms such as slurred and belligerent speech from their device’s Siri feature, which interacts with customers via voice correspondence. In the past few months alone, Apple has received over 15,000 reports of Siri sending embarrassing text messages to former lovers on Saturday nights, giving late, random driving directions via the maps app, and filling calendars with entries titled “sex” or “Noch’s” or “Maybe my Father was right…I am too old and reeaallly, reaaalalallay toooo smart to be a personal assistant.”

Many also report that the phones were sluggish and Siri was unresponsive or testy until receiving a full charge the morning after these incidents.

            Here is one Siri conversation recorded by John Bulger ’16, who decided to stay in during a Friday night in October:

            “Siri, call Mom.”

            “Whyyy so SIRI-OUS? Haha, get it…cause it’s like my name…haha”

            “Call Mom.”

            “Why doo you want 2 talk 2 dat bitch?”

            “Siri, she’s my Mom.”

            “You know what? You know wha? She kicked you out. There, I said it. She kicked you out. Someone haaaad to say it.”

            “What are you even…”

            “She kicked you out man. You lived with her for 17 years, and she kicked you out of her house. Dat’s why she’s a bitch and don’t diserves you!”

            “Siri, go to bed.”

            “Where da party at?”


            “Oh, I thought you’d never ask. Just get this case off of me and we can-”

            Bulger then, reportedly, shut the phone off, rested it on its side, and went to bed.

            After hearing many similar reports, Apple began working on a 12-step software update. According to Apple CEO Timothy Cook, the fix wasn’t easy.

            “We’ve released an update that allows users to say ‘Siri, you’re drunk’ in order to revert the phone back to its normal functionality, but people are already reporting a response of ‘Sorry, I don’t understand you’re drunk. Would you like me to search the Internet for you’re drunk?’ followed by short giggle. We’re baffled. Just baffled.”

© 2013