SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Area Man Begins Crossing Sevens to Revitalize Life

The plucky number that has single-handedly rebuilt Allenby’s life.

KANSAS CITY, MO—Joseph Allenby, 38, a local unemployed man, has made a drastic change in his life, making the effort to begin crossing the number seven in his everyday handwriting.

“I just couldn’t do it anymore,” Allenby announced in an exclusive interview last week. “My wife left me a few years back, my son hates me, and I am completely out of motivation.”

Allenby says he was clearly out of touch with his former happiness. “Something needed to change.”

Friends have noticed encouraging signs in Allenby’s mental health in recent days following the change. Kevin Plank, a long-time friend of Allenby, revealed that Allenby’s mood had drastically improved since the landmark decision, adding that “it’s like he’s a completely new person. I’ve been trying to get him to improve his handwriting for years, and it’s so refreshing to see him finally gain the confidence.”

However, Freddy Miller, another long-time friend, expressed qualms regarding Allenby’s habits, telling reporters that Allenby had become overconfident by how beautiful and professional his handwriting had become, saying, “I had to warn Joseph that crossing his Zs too wouldn’t make his wife love him again.”


© 2017
Category: