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Area Man Finally Thinks — Really Thinks — About Dinosaurs

A man thinks about dinosaurs
"Wowzers," thought Daley, "They were really huntin' and stuff."
CLEVELAND, OH – Harold Daley, local Big Lots cashier, sat down on Friday to finally have a long, hard think about the beautiful behemoth reptilian kings who once roamed the Earth. Until now, Daley had somehow managed to live for 52 years without allocating a solid chunk of time to think about dinosaurs and nothing but dinosaurs.

Prior to Friday, Daley explained, “I’d seen the bones in museums, sure. But I never thought about how they were really here, skin and all. Wowee. Walking around, and doing stuff, right where I’m standing. Right at the Big Lots.”

Daley reports that his mind wandered slightly during his Friday rumination but never strayed too far from the magnificent, tyrannical beasts who reigned in the Mesozoic. “I thought about their little hands. Oof. I thought about those feet and claws. Gosh. I thought about a nest with eggs in it, and it kept going just like that.”

Geoffrey Hollander, a volunteer at the Cleveland Museum of Natural History, reports that this kind of delayed revelation is not uncommon. “We see it a lot. Kiddos climbing on the glass, nanny sitting on the bench. She’s staring off in the direction of the gift shop, head in her hands, a mind somewhere between despair and oblivion. If you look deep into those empty eyes, then you know. She’s thinking – really thinking – about dinosaurs.”

As of press time, Daley has gone back to having his usual trivial thoughts, although next week he does plan to spend a hot second thinking about how you can microwave paper towels without starting a fire, and a quick minute considering the overwhelming insignificance of his own life. 


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