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Area Man Gives Up Lent

(Pictured above) Logan, preparing himself this holiday to receive Jesus Christ and the 280th episode of NCIS into his heart.

CAMBRIDGE, MA - In a Facebook post released to his friends and family late last evening, area man Walter Logan announced his ambitious plans to give up Lent this year. 

"After I forgot about Ash Wednesday and the gray smudge thing I was supposed to put on my forehead, I figured I might as well scrap the whole enterprise," Logan said, tweeting his decision while eating a bar of chocolate and chainsmoking his way through a pack of Marlboros. 

Sources close to Logan confirmed that he was "definitely committed" to his decision, having successfully reneged on his New Year's resolution only a month ago. "He really went all out," Logan's neighbor commented. "Social media, junk food, carbs, exercise - Walter isn't just fucking around this time."

When asked the secret to his tenacity, Logan said, "It's simple. You have to take small steps and set realistic goals, so you can stick it out long enough for the results to show. For example, I started out this month with five pounds to lose. Now I only have fifteen more to go!" Lying in a wrinkled nest of candy wrappers and beer labels, Logan credited his success to God, Jesus, and the unlimited breadsticks at Olive Garden.

"My life is so much better now, you have no idea," Logan confessed at press time. "I'm even considering extending this whole giving-up schtick. After all, everyone knows Easter is really about how many fucking Peeps you can eat before passing into a diabetic coma." The enormous success of his decision had reportedly inspired Logan to vow to try and give up his virginity next Lent.

© 2016