PORTLAND, OR — After several agonizing attempts to refuse paying more money than he has to, area man Max Reynolds finally summoned up enough courage to select the ‘No Tip’ option on the iPad at the pay counter of his local coffeeshop. 

The struggle to confront the daunting machine began when the coffeeshop first introduced the touchscreen payment device half a year earlier. “All I did was buy a bagel, and suddenly that conniving little cashier flipped the screen towards me, where it asked how much I wanted to tip. I was completely blindsided,” explained Max, who seemed visibly rattled at the time. 

When asked for comment, a customer standing behind Max in line the morning that the incident occurred said it was "pretty strange." “He spent several minutes incredibly distraught in front of the payment machine. After he finally brought his trembling hands down on the screen, he bolted out of the store. Didn’t even pick up the coffee he ordered,” the customer said. 

Max’s life had been in a downward spiral ever since he first handed over the extra 18%. "That wicked machine has cost me everything; I’ve lost my dignity, my house, and the custody of my kids."

"But on this day, I got to take back control of my life,” he declared triumphantly. 

At press time, Max was spotted running from a homeless person who asked him for some change.