and entering

Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest Theory Entirely Disproved By Karen

Karen Dworkin
Karen Dworkin, whose password is "password."

DENVER, CO – Once widely-accepted by scientists, Darwin’s theory of the survival of the fittest has recently been disproved by area woman Karen Dworkin.

Karen, who once microwaved her own foot, has miraculously managed to survive for 20 years without dying off and getting replaced by stronger, genetically more fit organisms.  

Karen’s ailments include poor critical reasoning ability, low physical aptitude, and an underwhelming social presence. Sources say Karen watches YouTube ads without skipping and frequently gets trapped in revolving doors. The password to her nine Internet accounts, according to reports, is "password."

The international community is puzzled by her existence. "I don't understand how someone who has set up a monthly donation to a Nigerian prince could survive for more than three days," commented Harvard scientist Susan Smith. “It is a miracle she has stayed alive for this long." 

Friends and family are equally confused. "Forget Katniss or Peeta," says Natasha Jones, Karen's neighbor. "If Karen entered the Hunger Games, she’d be the first to die– not because she'd get killed, but because she'd step off the platform too early and get blown up by mines." 

At press time, Karen was seen somehow having convinced a mate to help spread her shitty genes for yet another inexplicable generation.

© 2017