SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Everything, Ever Implicated in Boston Bomber’s Radicalization

“When he wasn’t playing videogames with lots of guns – Call of Duty, that sort of thing – you’d see Dzhokhar sitting around talking about Atlas Shrugged… that was always his favorite of Ayn Rand’s novels and I think it really stuck with him,” explained a former classmate of the Boston bombing suspect.

In the days since Boston’s manhunt, local police, the FBI, and the CIA have been conducting a full-scale investigation of the brothers’ background, turning up evidence that they may very well have listened to rap music, read comic books, and participated in what the CIA report refers to as “the reefer madness”. Other former classmates of Dzhokhar’s have suggested that, as a high school student, he also dabbled in Marxist theory, “but his heart was always really in the Eco-Feminist camp.”

Earlier in life, investigators suspect, children’s books including Where the Wild Things Are and notoriously radical Loraxmay have contributed to his turn toward extremism. Though it is still unclear what precisely could have led to Dzhokhar’s turn to terror, the American people can rest assured that the authorities are turning over every stone, looking to find the lyric that changed everything.

© 2013
Category: