and entering

#GiveElsaAGirlfriend, But Also #GiveMeAGirlfriend

Q: What's missing from this picture? A: A girlfriend. My girlfriend.

TWITTER — In the past week, Frozen fans have started a campaign on twitter asking Disney to #GiveElsaAGirlfriend in Frozen 2. I applaud and fully support this campaign to make Elsa the first lesbian princess. However, I believe it does not go far enough, which is why I am calling on Disney to #GiveMeAGirlfriend.

Let’s just look at the facts. Though we can be pretty sure that many Disney characters are At Least Not Straight™—Ursula, LeFou, Maleficent, Jiminy Cricket, The Fairy Godmother, Jumba and Pleakley, Timon and Pumba, a few of the dwarves—we must only go on assumptions since no LGBTQ+ character has expressed their queerness explicitly. Similarly, Elsa has not had a romantic interest in anyone, therefore her sexuality is, as of yet, relatively undefined. This would be a perfect opportunity for Disney to give its viewers, especially its younger ones, an example of a healthy queer relationship.

It would also be a perfect opportunity for Disney to give me a healthy queer relationship. You see my sexuality, unlike Elsa’s, is very much defined, and hoo boy let me tell you I am as gay as they come. However I, too, have not had the chance to express this queerness explicitly, and I feel it’s important—for my viewers—that I am given this opportunity to be role model. With a cute lesbian princess.

I mean, I’m not asking for that much, am I? Little girls everywhere look up to Elsa, and to give her a girlfriend will show those children that being gay is nothing to be ashamed of. Disney has done incredible things, they’ve taken us to the inside of a child’s mind and Under da Sea, and yet they can’t manage to give Elsa—or me—a female love interest?

They had Belle fall in love with a literal beast through reading books or whatever, well I read books? And not one of them has led me to getting a girlfriend. And speaking of non-human shit, Dreamworks had the whole Shrek ogre romance, and then the Bee Movie where a fully grown woman falls in love with a literal bee a motHERFUCKINg ACTUAL BEE I SHIT YOU NOT AND HE IS VOICED BY JERRY GODDAMN SEINFELD LIKE WHAT EVEN IS THAT, DREAMWORKS?! AND I’M STILL SINGLE?!?!

Sorry. Anyway, the point is Dreamworks can do that, Disney can damn well #GiveElsaAndMeAGirlfriend.

And yes, “Let it Go” is the gayest Disney song since “Gaston.” The entire song is about accepting yourself, like if that’s not the gayest subtext ever...but it’s not canonically established. Meanwhile I, a well-established gay, sing about how gay I am all the time and my subtext very rapidly becomes actual text by like the first chorus. If Elsa singing one song that’s vaguely gay gets her a girlfriend, then me constantly singing about my gayness like some sort of weird lesbian mating call should certainly get me a girlfriend. Maybe two, I don’t know, I don’t know how this works.

Disney, do you know how hard it is to even find lesbians on this campus? It’s impossible. It’s like we’re those trolls from Frozen who keep to themselves and blend into the landscape unless you know exactly who and where they are, and only then they suddenly appear with odd-colored hair and non-traditional lifestyles.

Imagine how validating it would be for girls who are questioning their sexuality to see Elsa with another girl. And imagine how validating it would be for me and my self-worth to have a fucking girlfriend. So, I’m calling on Twitter to call on Disney: yeah create a fire princess or whatever to fall in love with Elsa, but mostly create a cute girl who shares my interests to fall in love with me and #GiveMeAGirlfriend.

Also Hans is totally gay so give him a cute boyfriend in prison or something.

© 2016