and entering

Huh, I Don’t Think About You at All!

Picture of a smug looking woman
Your nemesis, who somehow owns a two-bedroom apartment in New York on a writer's salary

By Your High School Nemesis

Oh, hey! How are you, Jennifer? I haven’t heard your name in so long because I never think about you at all. Turns out that when your life is going as perfectly as mine is, you don't need to dwell on past rivalries! So freeing, am I right?

As you might have noticed from my award-winning lifestyle Instagram, I’ve somehow managed to both completely move on from high school and blissfully become more popular than you are among our former classmates! Go Bobcats! I did notice that you unfollowed me, but it’s okay because my follower ratio is still stellar.

These days I mostly spend my time simultaneously taking vacations in tropical climates and getting prestigious fellowships! I guess you might know that last one since I saw that you checked my LinkedIn last month—forgot to turn on private, didn’t we?  

Isn’t it soooo crazy how we used to compete with each other constantly back in the day? I mean, just the other day I was talking to my gorgeous, successful, and wealthy boyfriend about how silly high school drama is!

I never think about how you flubbed your big solo in choir freshman year, or how you didn’t have a homecoming date ever, or how you couldn’t sell any of those weird-smelling cookies at the bake sale junior spring. Honestly, and I’m not trying to be mean at all, you never cross my mind because I’m pretty busy with my SoulCycle tribe these days.

Just to give you a quick update about me, in case you wondered, I'm engaged (#misstomrs #tyingthenotting) to Josh Notting! OMG, didn't you have a crush on him? It's so funny how the mind just remembers things from old times!

Hopefully I’ll see you at the reunion and you can let me know how things are going! Come up and say hi in case I don’t recognize you after all these years of you never crossing my mind.
© 2018