and entering

Local Man Isn't Sure How to Get into The Olympics, But Will Give it a Shot Anyway

John Reiss, 32, doesn't really understand how someone qualifies to be an Olympian, but has nevertheless begun preparations for the 2012 games.

"Every morning I wake up at 5 and meditate for hours. Some people call it napping. Whatever. I say 'to-mato,' you say, 'tom-ato,' probably because you have some impediment that makes it impossible to pronounce things correctly."

Reiss may be a newcomer to the sports world, but firmly feels that belief in oneself is the key to Olympic success. "I like to set up a camera and take videos of myself running in slow motion, jumping over things in slow motion, and breaking through finish lines in slow motion," he says. "Then I edit them together and set them to inspiring music. It's encouraging, because I'm an awesome video editor."

This is not to say that Reiss doesn't understand how serious the competition will be. "Every day I see my neighbor Mike taking his daily jog. Mike's also training for the Olympics, so I usually yell demeaning comments at him. He never suspects it's me though, because everyone else on our block is training for the Olympics too."

As for fitting in actual training sessions, Reiss says that he hasn't gotten around to it yet, nor has he given any thought to what event he'd like to compete in. "That's something I'll decide later, because I think it's important not to limit yourself," he shrugs. "I like to tell kids that they can grow up to be anything they want. They could become murderers, but then they could also become President. Although to tell the truth, I don't think a murderer could ever be elected President."

© 2009